Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
