Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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