we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
