I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I supernannyed him into submission
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
