i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
