That's intense
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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