um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
