New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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