Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
