you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
