i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
