he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
