Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
