If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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