There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
