I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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