You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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