i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
