hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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