Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
