Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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