i permit you to call me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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