Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
