She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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