Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
