I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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