I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
