im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
