Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
