There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
