I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
