Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You were trust falling into bushes
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
