just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
