dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
