ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
