his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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