you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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