Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
