all she had left on were here heels. phone five
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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