Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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