I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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