areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
