it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
