every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
