if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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