hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
