I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
