no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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