well most of my day revolves around power hour
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
