thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
