Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
