i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The Olympian is in my bed
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
